Don’t save up anger and not poison myself with resentment. They rot and poison all life around. A person always has a choice — to carry a stone in my chest, feeling that life is flowing hill streams or to be happy and healthy, knowing that the life flowing deep river. Read the incredible parable about forgiveness and see it.
— I will not forgive you, ‘ She said. – I will remember.
— She asked her angel. Sorry, you also will be easier.
— No way, stubbornly set her lips She. — It is impossible to forgive. Never.
You will take revenge? – he asked worried.
— No, to take revenge, I will not. I’m above that.
— Do you crave punishment?
I don’t know what punishment would be sufficient.
— Everyone has to pay for their decisions. Sooner or later, but all… — quietly said the angel. — It is inevitable.
Yeah, I know.
— Then I’m sorry! Take off the cargo. You’re now far away from their abusers.
— No. Can’t. Don’t want to. They have no forgiveness.
— Well, it’s your business, ‘ sighed the angel. – Where are you going to keep your offense?
— Here and here — he touched his head and heart It.
— Please be careful — asked the angel. – Poison offense very dangerous. He can settle the stone and to pull down, and can create a fire that burns all living things.
It is a Stone of Remembrance and Noble Rage, ‘ interrupted She. – They are on my side.
And resentment settled there, where she said — the head and the heart.
She was young and healthy, she spent her life in her veins the hot blood, and his lungs inhaled the air of freedom. She married, had children, made friends. Sometimes, of course, they were offended, but mostly forgiven. Sometimes was angry and fought, and then forgave her. Life was all about his hurt she tried not to remember.
Many years passed before she again heard that odious word – “forgive”.
— Betrayed by my husband. The children are constantly rubbing. Money don’t love me. What to do? – she asked an elderly psychologist.
He listened carefully, clarified a lot, for some reason, kept asking her to tell me about his childhood. She was angry and translated the conversation in real time, but again he returned to her during childhood. It seemed to her that he wanders the recesses of her memory, trying to consider, dig up that old grudge. She didn’t want to, and therefore resisted. But he still saw, meticulous this guy.
— Cleaned you have summarized it. – Your resentment grew. They have adhered more recent grievances, as the polyps on the coral reef. This reef has become the obstacle to the flow of life energy. From this you personal life problems and the finances are not going well. This reef sharp edges, they hurt your gentle soul. Inside the reef settled and confused emotions, they poison your blood with its waste of life, and attract new settlers.
Yes, I too sense something, ‘ said the woman. – From time to time get nervous, sometimes depressed presses, and sometimes all just want to kill. Okay, should be cleaned. But how?
— I’m sorry that first, most important offense — recommended psychologist. – No Foundation – and the reef will crumble.
— Never! – snapped the woman. Is just mad, after all, so it all was! I have a right to be offended!
— You want to be right or happy? asked the psychologist. But the woman did not answer, she simply got up and left, taking with him his coral reef.
It took another number of years. The woman again sat at the reception, now the doctor. The doctor reviewed the pictures, leafing through the tests, frowned and chewed his lips.
— Doctor, why are you silent? – could not stand it.
— Do you have relatives? – asked the doctor.
— Parents died, with her husband divorced, and have children and grandchildren too. Why do you need my family?
— You see, you have a tumor. Here, and the doctor showed in the picture of the skull, where she had a tumor. – According to the analyses, the tumor is bad. This explains your constant headaches, insomnia, and fatigue. The most bad that tumors have the tendency to rapid growth. It increases, that’s bad.
— And what I now surgery? she asked, turning cold from the terrible premonitions.
“No,” the doctor frowned even more. – Here’s your cardiogram over the last year. You have a very weak heart. The impression is that it is sandwiched from all sides and not able to work at full capacity. It can not move operation. So first you need to treat a heart, and then…
He broke off, and the woman realized that “later” may never come. Or the heart will not stand, or swelling crush.
— By the way, the blood test you have is not very. A low hemoglobin, white blood cells high… I will prescribe you medication, ‘ the doctor said. – But you have to help yourself. You need to bring the body into relative order and at the same time mentally prepared for the surgery.
— And how?
— Positive emotions, warm relationship, communication with your family. Will, in the end. Flip through the photo album, remember a happy childhood.
The woman only smiled wryly.
— Try to forgive everybody, especially parents, is suddenly advised by the doctor. – This is a very easy soul. In my practice there were cases when the forgiveness creates miracles.
— Oh really? – ironically asked the woman.
— Imagine. In medicine there are many complementary tools. Quality care, for example… Caring. Forgiveness can also be a cure, free of charge and without a prescription.
To forgive. Or die. To forgive or to die? Die than to forgive? When the choice becomes a matter of life and death, it is only necessary to decide in which direction you look.
Headache. Ached heart. “Where do you keep your resentment?”. “Here and here”. Now there was sick. Perhaps the resentment has grown too, and she wanted more. She decides to supplant her mistress, possessing the whole body. Silly resentment did not understand that the body will not stand, will die.
She remembered their major offenders – those from childhood. Father and mother, who always either worked, or cursing. They didn’t love her the way she wanted it. Not helped any of the five certificates, nor the fulfillment of their demands, no protest and rebellion. And then they parted, and each started a new family where she was not. At sixteen she was sent to College in another city, lectured her a ticket, a suitcase with clothes, and three thousand rubles for the first time, and everything from that moment on she became independent and decided: “I will Not forgive!”. She carried this grudge in his life, she vowed that resentment with her and die, and it seems that it comes true.But she had children, grandchildren, and widowed Sergey Stepanovich from work, who tried clumsily to take care of it, and die not like. Well now the truth is before she was to die! “We need to forgive, she decided. – At least try”.
— Parents, I forgive you for everything, — she said uncertainly. The words sounded pathetic and unconvincing. Then she took paper and pencil and wrote: Dear parents!Dear parents! I’m not angry anymore. I forgive you for everything.
In his mouth was bitter, heart sank, and a headache even more. But it is stronger with the stick, stubbornly, over and over again, wrote: “I forgive you. I forgive you.” No relief, only the irritation rose.
— Not, — whispered the angel. – The river always flows in one direction. They are older, you younger. They were before you then. Not you gave birth to them, and they you. They gave you the opportunity to appear in this world. Be grateful!— I am grateful, ‘ said the woman. And I really want to forgive them.
— Children have no right to judge their parents. Parents do not forgive. They have I apologize.
— For what? she asked. – Unless I did something wrong?
— You yourself have done something wrong. Why did you put yourself in the offense? What you have a headache? What is the stone you carry in your chest? What’s poisoning your blood? Why your life is not flowing, deep river, and flowing hill streams? You want to be right or healthy?
— Is this all due to the resentment towards parents? It was her, or something, so I destroyed?
— I warned, — said the angel. The angels always warn: do not hoard, do not wear, not poison myself with resentment. They rot, stink and poison all life around. We warn! If a person makes a choice in favor of resentment, we have no right to interfere. But if in favor of forgiveness, we should help.
— And I still can break this coral reef? Or is it too late?
It is never too late to try, — said the angel.
— But they’re a long time dead! No one now to ask forgiveness and how can that be?
— You ask. They’ll hear it. Or maybe, will not hear. In the end, you’re not doing this for them and for yourself.
— Dear parents, — she said. – Excuse me, please, if that is not so… And in General for all sorry.
It is some time said, then fell silent and listened to him. No miracles, the heart aches, the head hurts, and feelings, as usual.
— I don’t believe you, — she confessed. – Many years have passed.
— Try a different advised angel. – Become a kid again.
— Get on your knees and speak to him as a child: mom, dad.
The woman hesitated for a moment and knelt down. She folded her hands cupped, looked up and said: “Mom. Dad.” And then again: “Mom, dad…”. Her eyes widened and began to well up with tears. “Mom, dad… it’s me, your daughter… excuse me… excuse me!”. Her chest shook the rising sobs, and then tears poured turbulent flow. And she repeated all and repeated: “Pardon me. Please forgive me. I had no right to judge you. Mom, dad…”.
Took a long time before the tears dried up. Exhausted, she sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa.
— How are you? the angel asked.
I do not know. I do not understand. I seem empty, ‘ she replied.
— Repeat this every day for forty days, ‘ said the angel. – As the course of treatment. As the chemo. Or, if you want, instead of chemotherapy.
Yes. Yes. Forty days. I’ll be there.
Chest something pulsed, tingled and washed with hot waves. Maybe it was the debris of the reef. And for the first time in a long time, absolutely, well, just about anything, no headache…