Dutch children are the happiest in affluent countries, despite the fact that in the Netherlands, there is a huge variety of children’s cosmetics and clothes, there is no cult of children and the concept that the child the best it can be. What do their mothers to achieve this result, read the article.
Motherhood is wonderful, but do not consider that being a mom is the main purpose of every woman. This is what we should learn from the Dutch mom:
Not to sacrifice, not to complicate
The main idea here is very simple: children don’t change lives, they are its complement. Dutch mothers do not abandon your personal life — they continue to work, meet friends, find time for their interests, and in General doing everything to having a baby (two or three) didn’t turn the family in infinite suffering and emaciated body that unfolded around roaring “bundle of happiness”.
Us to understand and take difficult. In our culture a woman is obliged either to sacrifice career for family or family for career. Still possible, for example, to sacrifice their youth and beauty, then to a grown up baby and forever to settle it feelings of guilt and duty, which will be the guarantor of a comfortable old age exhausted parents.
Dutch mother, on the contrary, try to do everything that their life was full and balanced, without there sacrifices. Instead of endlessly exhausting cleaning a washing machine, dishwasher, robot vacuum. Instead of countless hours in the kitchen pre-sliced, pickled, Packed in portions the product from the supermarket that turn into a full dinner in just 20-30 minutes. Instead of the pointless circles with a stroller on the square — walk together “for” or bike ride. Is dirty sandboxes in the yards are large and interesting playgrounds in parks or children’s cafe, where you can at the same time to meet with friends. Instead of three years of decree — nice garden, where to take kids in 3-4 months. And finally, instead of “I’m a mother” — “we are family” because the Dutch Pope did not consider housework or caring for children some special event.
Do not experience feelings of guilt
This item is directly connected with the previous one. If neither the family nor society requires sacrifices, not put on you label “bad mother” because you stopped breast feeding or brought the baby outside without a hat — reasons for self-flagellation becomes much less. Dutch society is telling you loud and clear: “put the oxygen mask on yourself first then on the child”. Nervous, exhausted, depressed mother is not what a child needs for happiness.
Here respect your privacy and do not climb with uninvited councils. Even baby doctors always try to give advice in a very delicate manner (and not in the style of our pediatricians: “You get a massage do? No? And we ought to…” and head of KACH-KACH, they say well you are the fool not guessed).
And all because the Dutch know: burnout (burnout) is not fiction and it’s not just about the work (which can be changed, if it got so hot), and motherhood (which is not abolished). In order to be a good mom — we need emotional resource, get that out of guilt is absolutely impossible.
To accept the child such what he is
Here it seems everything is easier. We all love our children, right? Yes, love. But to love and accept — not one and the same. Each of us has inflated and unjustified expectations about what is to grow our child.
But the child is not a project. We substitute the concept of “care” and “implementation goals”, we prefer to teach and not to show how to learn, we still believe that the “red diploma”, and higher education ensures the child a happy future (even our own diploma brings us less useful than toilet paper).
Our high expectations and harass us and our children and in the end, we find ourselves at the computer at 2 a.m. writing for the child of some abstract “About the properties of water”, because a potential “three for half” does not fit into our picture of the world.
Of course, it would be foolish to claim that Dutch mothers don’t have any inflated expectations about their perfectly blond treasure — absolutely. But they are much less big on the achievements and evaluations, they know that every child develops at their own pace and deserves praise. They take not only their own but other people’s children for who they are, and if your child is “special” — you’ll never see in the eyes of the Dutch mother’s fear or pity. “How wonderful!” she said and look at you with the most sincere and kind smile.
If in the process you wanted to argue: “But they have the same opportunities there, social security and all the other level of life!” Yes, it’s true. But none of this appears in the society itself. The society should be clearly formulated request and the request this request to stand. But while we continue to make sacrifices and to calm yourself Japanese diapers — any new features we will never get.